Tag Archives: dad gone mad

Not So Bad for Barley

16 Jun

So how are my 12 rules for living to 110+ going? Well… I guess it’s going to be a little harder than I thought. Back when I was a health editor and I had the latest research and press releases to scare the shit out of me on a daily basis, I was so good at, well, being good: “Cake? Oh, no, thank you. I’ll eat my organic celery and all-natural peanut butter, thanks. I’m saving my appetite for this delicious barley and 12-vegetable recipe I’m making for dinner.”

Add to that being on a freelancer’s salary, and organic is just a laughable, laughable luxury. When I read Finslippy‘s Twitter last week, “I have just returned from Whole Foods, and lo, I spent fewer than 65 of my dollars. I should be revered like a god,” all right, I’ll admit it, maybe I was a little bit jealous. So not good for my longevity. However, I have developed a new fondness for dried beans, lentils and frozen veggies. But good Lord, do those beans take forever to soak. It’s like waiting for Madge to tell her customer she can take her hands out of the damn Palmolive already.

In trying to find Madge’s video, I came across this list of silly office pranks, good for a little stress-busting when you know you’re taking your job too seriously: “#6: While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge. #5: Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this. #14: Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, ‘Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.'”

If I were at an office right now, I think I’d have to try a few of them out. If any of you do, please report back. When my boyfriend, Ryan, who also works from home, gets back from his trip to Boston, I’m definitely going to annoy the shit out of him with a few of these. That way, I’ll be able to tell if he’s actually been reading my blog. Wait, does that go against any of my 12 healthy living commandments? It’s all in fun! Really. No mean-spirited people here.

If you’re looking for something a little more offensive, you could try to replicate Dad Gone Mad’s Crap Craft, which clearly required a bit of overtime in the men’s room. Try my above-mentioned barley recipe (below) and chances are, you’ll perfect the art in no time.

Here’s the recipe (it really is amazingly healthy and yummy, if I may use that cloying word. I promise I’ll never do it again):

Barley Primavera

  • Cook 1 1/2 cups of barley according to package instructions, using chicken broth instead of water. Drain when done.
  • Chop up a ton of your favorite vegetables. I like to use zucchini, summer squash, mushrooms, spinach or arugula, tomatoes and fresh basil.
  • Saute 1 cup of onions and two cloves of garlic in olive oil. Add zucchini, squash and mushrooms to the pan and cook gently.
  • Add 1/4 cup of olive oil and 1 T. of lemon juice to the barley, along with your onion and garlic mixture, and toss evenly.
  • Add you greens, basil and salmonella-free tomatoes to the barley. Toss gently. Salt and pepper to taste and serve with shaved parmesan.

I do everything according to taste, so you might want more or less garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, etc. Such a precise recipe, isn’t it? But you’ve got to admit — doesn’t sound so bad for barley, does it?

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