Tag Archives: fat

So Long, Buzzkill. Vices Are Goooood

17 Jun

What a glorious, glorious day. “Why?” you ask. Well, as I was sitting in the living room sipping my mega-strong coffee that, as of last night, was freaking me the fuck out, Regis mentioned today’s news that coffee may help you live longer. LONGER. That’s right. And the benefits are even higher for women. Those heart palpitations it gives me? Pshaw, what do I care? According to the HealthDay story in the Washington Post, “The researchers found that women who drank two or three cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 25 percent lower risk of death from heart disease…than non-drinkers.”

So, take that, livingto100.com! How dare you suggest I cut back on my coffee consumption to add years to my life. So it temporarily heightens my blood pressure and makes me anxious and, all right, maybe a bit combative. It’s what I live for, all right? And apparently, coffee is going to let me live for it even longer. That’s right — the thing I live for is what’s keeping me alive. What a deliciously symbiotic relationship we share. Am I getting hard to follow? Sorry, I’m on a roll. My caffeine is kicking in hard CORE.

But that isn’t even the entire reason why I’m celebrating this morning. Tara Parker-Pope is my new best friend for reporting in her New York Times Well blog that Red Wine May Curb Fat Cells. Really? Oh, say it’s so, Tara. Is there anything red wine can’t do for me? It protects the liver, may prolong life, improves good cholesterol, decreases chances of heart disease and now has “anti-obesity properties?” I think red wine deserves Lucky Charms’ tag line of being “magically delicious.”

Hilarious that TPP, a New York Times journalist, feels the need to report the obvious:

“Whether to add red wine to your daily diet must be balanced against other health risks. For people with alcohol dependency problems, the health benefits of red wine are far offset by the risks of drinking to excess. Excessive use of alcohol can lead to addiction, traffic accidents and potentially fatal medical problems.”

Ohhh. So you mean I shouldn’t stand outside of A.A. meetings and offer people bottles of red wine? There go my plans for this evening. Talk about a buzzkill.

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